God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
