omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
