I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
