You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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