Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
