just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
