Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
