I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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