drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
