we have officially lost it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
