i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize