she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
