I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
