You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
