you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
