my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
