shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
