OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
