No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
