cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
