there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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