I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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