Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
