Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
