bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
tell me about the eggs
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