Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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