Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
