i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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