You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
