did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
