I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
