So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
