dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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