I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Terrible idea I love it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
