just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im holly from the hills drunk
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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