It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
