Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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