If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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