Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
