i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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