i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
