Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
