you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
