Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
