yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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