I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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