why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
