a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
