i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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