I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
