just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
