He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
