I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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