and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
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