i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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