I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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