I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
