Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
