I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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