He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
