i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
