I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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