we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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