i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
