He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
