Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize