I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My cat gives me a boner
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
