I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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