Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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