We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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