My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Houston, we have a squirter
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
