Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
