I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
