Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
