I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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