well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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