The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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