so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
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i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
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Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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